um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
