the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
