i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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