In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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