he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
