i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
