we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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