i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
