I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
