Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
