If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
