Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize