drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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