pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
