Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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