i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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