I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
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Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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