It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
