I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
