I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
