My balls are so social today.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
