I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
