it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
