Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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