i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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