Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
