I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
