Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
