why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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