They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
