Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
