Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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