shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize