so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
