being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
