Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
