watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
