It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
