You're completely useless in the revolution.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
