and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
