she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
