I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
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