Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
