You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
