You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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