Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
