I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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