Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think your dad took our porno
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
