Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
