I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
