Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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