i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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