well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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