Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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