my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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