Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
