he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
