i jhust puked up my retainher.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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