I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
