burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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