he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
