Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
