Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
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My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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