i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
