Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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