New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
