Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
