If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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