I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Still dying that you shit outside
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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