listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
